why do I let these people psych me out?

It’s like some kind of fetid stew containing my own proclivity to objectify members of the service industry, a lack of self esteem and growing sense of feminist outrage.

But right now I’ve got quite the stress breakout and my hair is at that awkward growing out phase. So I feel like I am some how a let-down to all the people who come into my work hoping for a dose of sexiness with their latte.

annex cupping is fun times for all

Hey kids. If you’re in the neighborhood tomorrow (Thursday), come join me at the Annex.

34th and SE Belmont | 3pm sharp

I can't make fun of condo dwellers in NW anymore

… because one found my wallet.

It's unclear because I was drunk at the time

So this weekend my wallet disappeared from my universe. (To quote this one yoga teacher) It’s one of those sitch’s where it’s unknown whether I was pick-pocketed or careless. Since I’m deeply insecure and typically unable to admit fault, I’m going with the pick-pocket scenario.

Point is:

It’s the government’s fault. Drunks and pickpockets shouldn’t be roaming the streets.

If anybody happens to find a brown pleather wallet that says “Morocco” on it containing appx $24.73, a zipcard, a pink debit card (Breast Cancer Awareness) and a match book from slow bar with a lady’s number in it, please shoot me an email. It was last seen under the Morrison bridge. I just really want that girl’s number. This whole thing is really forcing me to put the lesbian experimentation on the back burner.

I am a gay icon

BTW I’m not homeless. Homefull, in fact. Now living a bright, clean house near the University of Portland.

The local bar sitch is kind of fucked up. Lots of backwards baseball caps.

I’m going to waste the better part of my day at various pride festivities downtown tomorrow. The chick from Dee-Lite is playing a free show. This basically proves that the queer community is the cultural heartbeat of fucking everything. The 90’s are now ironic. Thank God. Maybe next year Hanson will play.

Hopefully my roommate will have his sexual awakening and some pretty boy will take him home. Then I can have the house to myself.

One can only dream.

I am a pathological liar

Those who know me are aware of my “Default: bitch” setting. That’s why a blog could be a very dangerous thing for me. But considering all of the shit that keeps piling up, digging myself into a hole might not be that bad. 

One saving grace is that I haven’t figured out how to enable comments, yet. 

Plus I’m pretty sure only two people read this blog. And they already know my deep dark secrets. (No guys, I’m not talking about the night farts.)

So I’m technically homeless is 3 days. My current house is being sold. Or the landlord defaulted on the mortage. It’s kind of unclear. It smells like a gerbel cage. And has feux-gold door knobs. My neighbors are voting for McCain.

May Artist @ Blend

I’m really excited about our artist this month. Angela Raines. Her work is endearing. In a really unsettling kind of way.

OR Tackles Underage Hairy Palm Epidemic

The Oregonian reported today that Powell’s books and host of others are filing a lawsuit to challenge HB 2843. The law seeks to criminalize providing “sexually explicit” materials to minors. You hear that kids? You’ll have to start using your i m a g i n a t i o n when you spank it.

The law is vague, pointless and at times, hilarious. In their effort to protect children, the Oregon legislature violates the first amendment and wastes every-body’s time.

Problem: HB 2843 states that you are not in violation of any law, provided “… that the sexually explicit material was furnished … by the child’s parent or legal guardian, by and educator or treatment provider or by another person acting on behalf of the parent, legal guardian, educator or treatment provider.”

Right.

Because kids are never molested by their parents, step-parents, teachers, counselors, or parent’s friends. Never.

Beyond obvious censorship issues, this bill is confusing. Section 3 states, “A person commits the crime of luring a minor if … furnishes to … a visual representation or explicit verbal description or narrative account of sexual conduct” So … Mariah Carey is going to jail. Have you seen the video for “Touch My Body” ? Visual representation? Narrative account? I hope Mimi looks good in orange.

It does, however, contain a Chris Hanson Clause: “It is not a defense that the person to whom the sexually explicit material was furnished or who was permitted to view the material was a not a child but was a law enforcement officer posing as a child.” Good to know.

But my absolute favorite part of this bill: “… is an employee of a bona fide museum, school, law enforcement agency, medical treatment provider or public library.”

Wait. Bona Fide? Seriously. You can’t use that term when we’re talking about porn. It makes me giggle.

All this law will accomplish is to make it even more difficult for freshman to score copies of Hustler.  This is contrary to the American Dream my friends.