le blue perroquet

So.

I’ve never watched myself pee before.

Weird.

I know, right?

At this point in my quasi quarter century journey.

You’d think it would have come up once or twice. But no.

It’s pretty amazing.

Maybe it’s 13 cycles of ANTM lodges in my cranium that made me contemplate which “angles” had the best “tension” while I was, um… cause it’s tension and angles that make the womyn. I guess.

Yeah.

There’s this thing that happens at the Parrot.

You stop giving what they call, “a fuck”.

It’s like the hipster/alchy version of nirvana/transcendence.

What-evs.

Point is:

Ohm….

very pretty

In case you were wondering what to get for me for Jeebus’ birthday … craigslist has the answer.

Hands and arms!! (West Linn)

These things are VERY interesting. Arms and hands that LOOK SO REAL!!!

My friend’s mother lived near the Lloyd Center. My friend contacted me saying her mother was ill. Her mom and I became friends. She is a lovely person! I told my friend her mom was not up to living alone. So, she came to Portland and took her mom back east. My own mom and I cleaned out her apartment, and we are selling her things for her.

One set of things we found were these prosthesis arms and hands. They look like the real thing! My friend’s mom has several she took with her and she does not want these. (She had part of her left arm amputated 30 or more years ago, and she wears a beautiful prosthesis regularly, and her car is set up to need only one hand to drive.)

I checked with a doctor, and he told me there is no medical value in these. I told my friend I would sell these things and donate the proceeds to a charity. My friend is happy about this.

There seems to me to be many possible craft uses for these.

See the photos.

I put them on the kitchen table in my little trailer and went to get my camera. As I walked back into the trailer, I jumped just a little when I saw the hands on the table. The looked alive! Definitely wierd!

What price can I ask for these? I can’t see just putting them into a land fill! Maybe a place to start would be 30 dollars for the set? I don’t know. Make an offer. There are a 4 pieces… Very pretty…

Call me at 503-638-4766

Email at Catfsm@aol.com

You can see my other listings by typing “Toby West Linn ” in the search box. I have things for sale in different categories so in the category box go to the top and click on “All selling/wanted”. I also have many things not listed so just ask if I have something you want, and we may be lucky!

I am selling all kinds of things as a way to supplement my 88 year old mother’s small pension and to downsize the amount of extra stuff we have! I want to give you GREAT prices and REAL value and at the same time make a few bucks! If I can’t do that, I HATE selling! So, keep this in mind and tell me what you would like. Ask for deals and favors!

I live 2 miles from the 205 Fwy. The directions I will give you to my house are EASY to follow!

Also, I live on the Tualatin River. If it is nice weather, come on out with kids and/or doggies!! I love them all! I have a big safe yard and two adorable orange cats!

Toby

This is your fault, Jeff Tweedy

I’ve always wanted to compete in a barista competition. But in the same way I’ve always wanted to play the drums for Wilco or make out with Robert Downey Jr. The kind of thoughts one becomes preoccupied with while drunkenly waiting for the bus in front of the Sandy Hut. Or showering. I think about Robert Downey Jr a lot in the shower.

Wait.

What were we talking about?

Oh. Right.

Coffee.

It’s been one year, three months and 24 days since I loaded the Volvo up with my most precious possessions (roller skates, trombone, and sweaters) drove away from Hood River and parked on 57th and Division. I spent the first 3 months on a friend’s couch. Note: Sleeping on a couch is a serious hindrance to one’s “game”. My move to Portland was a poorly planned attempt to “move forward” in the specialty coffee industry. It is still unclear to me exactly what that means. Make more money? Earn prestige? Have a dirtier dosing finger? After two disastrous interviews with Stumptown and a confusing email exchange with Kevin at the Press I decided to throw both middle fingers in the air and point them squarely in the direction of the specialty coffee industry. Because I’m mature like that.

Thus began my illustrious career as an office monkey for a TV repair company. Just in case you were wondering; that is the opposite of being a barista. Every day I sat at a desk wearing horrible combinations of pinstripes and polyblend under fluorescent lights while rich people yelled at me about their busted plasma televisions.

It got to the point where I just needed to pull shots. It didn’t matter where. I blanketed the town in resumes. If there was an espresso machine in the building; they got a resume. It was actually my grandmother who forwarded me the craigslist ad that led my current gig at Blend. I’ve never felt so supported by an employer. Lara and Kristy (the owners) really respect my skill, passion and ideas.

Though my move to Portland did not pan out exactly the way I thought it would, there is no logical reason why I am not the happiest girl in NoPo. Serving Stumptown Coffee at a kick as shop? Living off of thai food, bacon, whiskey and espresso? Having close friends and cute boys on speed dial? Did I mention the bacon? And how cute my cat is? He is goddamn cute. But something is still not right. A friend described my lack of contentment as, “the natural let down that comes with accomplishing all of your goals and realizing they aren’t everything you had expected.”

I’m throwing logistics and insecurities to the proverbial wind and tossing my (rather fashionable) hat into the ring. I was lucky enough to spend the day picking the insightful and adorable brain of Miss Jen Prince. I’ll be spending as much time as possible training on the Simonelli over at the roastery. Time to get on the horn with some of my farmer friends from Hood River to talk about my signature drink. With the competition less than 6 weeks away there is a lot of work to be done. It’s very daunting and in all likelihood I will not place very high. But it’s still nice to reach for something after treading water for so long.